Life is full of joy, the little things in life can bring your mood up. Life is also so full uncertainty. The best laid plans sometimes never come to fruition because of unexpected circumstances. Just like this little ‘extra’ growth in my head that is causing all these ‘circumstances’.
I remember you telling me that you did pray to God for guidance on many matters and one of which was whether I would be with you. In fact, I too asked God the same question, whether you would be the right one for me. So I got this eye problem initially and I was stubborn, I wished and prayed it away, but it never went away. Until almost 2 weeks after I could not let it rest anymore and decided that I had to get it checked. I was so torn between going to Shanghai then and going for the checkup. Eventually, logic and reason prevailed (Surprising that it did in such illogical and unreasoning state of mind). I had the check and it was this tumour that was causing all this problem. Just great!
At first was a little resigned to a bad fate when the doctors all informed me that I had to go through major surgery to get rid of the tumour and after which still had to go for radiation as follow up threatment to try to fully remove the tumour. Yet, when the blood test came back that I could be treated by medication I was elated. Perhaps, it was a 2nd chance. A glimmer of hope. I was hoping and praying that medication will take effects within weeks and then I would be fully recovered.
In effect, I was told that the effects of the medication took weeks to be seen, but it was a long term treatment that lasted usually 3 to 5 years and may even be for life, if my body continued to produce the cells after the drug is stopped. In any case, it was not a case where I can never leave the country to work, but more of the fact that waiting for the tumour to stablize and to finally be on less intensive observation would take anything between 6 months to 1 year.
I am at a cross roads again. Everything seems to have changed. The scenery is different and the people also seemed to have gone on by. It’s great seeing friends getting the jobs they wanted for so long and enjoying the job that they do. I’m envious and wonder when it will be my turn and even where will be my turn.
At the end of my lengthy message, I am very uncertain about being able to join you in Shanghai to work at least for the near future. Like I said, suddenly, I am a little unsure about what to do. I guess, I will think about it once my eye regains it’s proper vision. Till then I continue to seek for a God given direction.
Finally, no matter what happens, do know that I continue to wish the best for you, and give you my support in all the things that you do. It is important to me and is of great joy to me that you are happy doing what you do, happy living the way you do, and happy just the way you are.
Anyway, hope to see you back at Chinese New Year.