Paiseh cannot be a reason

… when it’s to do with one’s life.

Dunno why I feel so guilty … or paiseh (a better term which is not even English). It’s like when people put their hopes on you and you already know you might let them down. So, this afternoon when I went to meet the GM of the joint venture, he had just came back from the development site and he looked really tired (as though he had just been hit by a train) and he was pouring out his concerns and problems. He kept saying he knows I shouldn’t be the one he should be telling this to, but I think there really isn’t anyone else left from “our” side so …

“I like you. I think you can be the anchor for the company. To bring together things, coordinate and get things done. I hope you will stay on, but I’m not sure what your arrangement is with Million, etc … ”

Then in my mind, I was thinking … just the night before, I had so many thought of what I wanted to do else where in another totally different industry. Perhaps, if I was from SDE, or some similarly related industry, I might really be into this whole job.

When I first came over here, I was initially not very excited, a part of me still longed to be in Shanghai, after all, that was what I had been planning for for so long, and you’re there. Anyhow, I tried to get used to the place … but was never totally devoted here. At first I thought it was just cos’ of Shanghai and Dubai, the difference in place … but I gradually realized that it was more to it … it was also the industry which did not intrigued me. Curtain wall … it will never be something that I design. The designer/engineer says it’s beautiful, but I don’t get it. The only thing I appreciate is when the building is completed and I see it and go wow.

So, although I have a clearer picture of what I want, I am still torn and torn towards a particular direction, which makes working here alittle more challenging, since I’m beginning to get bored and disinterested in things. =( Not good.

Yet, I shall give myself somemore time to see how. See how?!

Thanks for the long chat that day again … it really helped clear my mind.

Ok, by which time u see this … it’s Good Morning to you!!! =)